FAQ

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11/18/19:    AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE ARE THE TOP 5 REASONS TO LEARN TO FLATPICK:  

    #1) It's not for everyone.   Nor should it be!  Heck, if everyone had a guitar around their neck and were flatpicking fiddle tunes all day it would be a lively, but monotonous world.  Fortunately that's not the case, which makes it all the more entertaining and satisfying to be a flatpicker . . . even better than being the official pie taster at the local guild of pie maker's annual contest and ice cream social.  Well, that might be a close one.  You see the worst pie I ever had was fantastic!  (Thank you mom for raising me right). But, I've met and played with many guitarists, and few are flatpickers.  I'm trying to become a good one, and I don't want to look back down the road and wish I had tried. 

     #2) It's sexy.  And for Pete's sake how could it not be?  Really now, everyone wants to date the flatpicker in the group, or carry the flatpicker's guitar, or vacuum out the flatpicker's car!  People get all flustered just watching him or her coax all those steamy notes out of their acoustic.  Sexy it is.        

     #3) My fingers need the exercise.  Well, I have other parts that need the exercise too but those parts have more to do with my belt and that pie contest than my guitar.  One thing at a time.  No sense overdoing this exercise thing.      

     #4) You can win fun things.  Some few years ago at a swanky little pub north of here a ways, the temporary fill-in substitute barkeep dude named John planned a tribute night to Harold Ensley, yes . . . THE Sportsman's Friend.   John planned to have several contests, including Bobbing For Bullheads, Nightcrawler Stretching, and Clam Pool (it's like 9 ball but he only had 8 clams so he couldn't call it anything cool like 9 Clam or whatever). Flatpicking was unknown to us then, but had it been, I'm sure it would have been the top dog contest that night, and I surely would have entered.  I didn't say win.  But someone would have.  And can you imagine the prize?  Sadly, after baiting us all week, the tribute was cancelled . . . gone fishin', instead of just a wishin'.      

     #5) It cures scurvy.  I'm not sure of this one frankly, but in the 70s there was a car shaped like a fishbowl so I figure this too must be possible.      

     BONUS - It's a hell of a lot of fun!  It's reinvigorating my playing and pushing me on to keep learning new skills and new tunes, and it's more fun than opening the gate to the goat pen during your neighbor kid's wedding reception.  But I don't know anything about that or the prune juice in the punch. 

2/4/20:  Here are the top 5 reasons to TUNE YOUR GUITAR  

     1)   It's the law.  Seriously.  It is.  Just as it's illegal to possess more than $600 worth of salamanders in one state, which by the way is anywhere from 6 to 600 depending on current market value, it is equally illegal to play out of tune anywhere I happen to be.

     2)  You'll get cross-eyed if you play out of tune too long.   This must be the case, otherwise you'd see the sneers of everyone around you wondering why your playing sounds like a herd of wombats in 7-Eleven when the pickled egg jar fell off the counter. No, I can't go back there.        

     3)  If you don't, your playing partner . . . well . . . you won't have one for long.       

     4)  Some think that instruments with plucked strings properly tuned at prescribed intervals vibrate and resonate at multiple frequencies discernible by ear, and mathematically.   It's a widely accepted premise that If not properly tuned the vibrations will wobble rather than resonate and your underwear will shrink on the spot, and we sure can't have that.       

     5)  A well tuned guitar is obviously classier.  I mean seriously now, who can feel snooty when your G chord has an actual odor you can see? 

4/14/20:  We've had a number of questions sent in that need answers, so maybe I ought to 'tend to that.  Sorry I've been tardy responding but life as a retired person and some-time musician is awfully busy. Here goes:      

     From TS in middle Mass:  "Why is sagebrush always trying to get out of Kansas when it matures and becomes tumbleweed?" HEY!  Nobody and nothin' is trying leave Kansas here bro! Tumbleweed likes to obtain speed, good speed at that, and no place better than western KS to really get rollin'!      

     From WJ up there downeast:  "Who let the dogs out?"  Really? This isn't about dogs  and I have no idea, but I understand the party was nice.      

     From DG nearby:   "What do I do if my barber spends more time talking on one side of my head than the other?"  DG, I feel your angst.  'Tis a common problem with an easy fix - hide for 3 weeks.          

     And finally, from JB just off the western mainland :  "What is the plural of Big Scioti?"  Well JB, as you may know "Big Scioti", or "Big Sciota" or "Big Scioto" is one tune with many title variants, all of which are readily accepted, and referring to any one of many rivers or counties in North America.  They all refer to the same tune though, even though there's more than one way to spell it.  Plurals could be just plain Scioti, or Sciotas or Sciotos.   

9/22/22:  And last, for now, one reader asked that we name the top 5 tunes, give or take, that either should be played in bluegrass jams and aren't, or are played and should be punted.  So, with no fuss or agitation, they are . .  

     1)  You Could Have Been A Beautiful Baby, But You Sure Are Ugly Now.  A 3-part tune in F flat, author unverified, it was born and then lost in the 80s and somehow has been found again. It can quickly incite a crowd or create a soon to be ex, so it probably needs to go.   

     2)  Keep your screwdriver out of the carburetor.  This curt and direct swing tune by Holly Jets popular in the 60s is self-explanatory.  Still, some need a mechanically capable friend to properly emphasize it's intent (Thx DG).  It's in B, the key for "serious with consequences" tunes.  Cross-picking opportunities abound so it should easily become a staple in jams. 

     3)  You've Got Some Schmutz In Your Beard.  The classic northeastern waltz.  A retelling of the '49 Mussell Massacree downeast in Lickitworth, ME, it's the only graphic account of the ill-fated 5-man skulling match between Skimmer Pond Crew #1 of Lickitworth, and the Cape Breton Crabby Gasser's crew.  WJ really likes this one, but given the outcome it should go. 

     4)  Sugar Beets And Sugar Plums, You're As Sweet As Pickled Mums.  Well, WT had the right thing in mind when he wrote it, he's just a little word weak.  A nice E modal tune with a delighful 3-part harmony flatpicking bridge.  It's a keeper, just needs some promotion. 

     5)  The Nordik Autoharp Rag.  It makes no sense on any level so we'll burn it.  Sorry AB. 

     6)  The 5/4 Quadrille.  Spawned long ago deep in the back bay of Slidell, LA near the old Po'Boy Sandwich Weights and Measures HQ, by fiddler Fris'on (pronounced freeze-own) "Dit" LeBlanque.  A crooked tune in double G sharp tuning, it's fun to see square dancers attempt the odd time signature. We don't care either way, you decide, keep or ditch? 

     7)  Serving Gravy On The Bucket Lid.  This cool old-time tune was spawned one fateful eve at Winfield during supper with the Mystic Chickens band from Denver.  Thx JG and SG. Need to find this one again at Winfied 2021.  It would be a keeper.  The gravy too.  

3/9/21:   It's been awhile since we've had a "clean up" around here, so now is probably the time.  Besides, it's great fun to answer a few questions now and then, correct any errors that have sullied our posts, add a finishing glaze to anything that wasn't quite fully baked, and fill in any holes necessary to explain further anything that needs some, well . . further explanation.  So, let's get with it . . .       Questions (askers are kept anonymous to protect their, and our integrity):     

     From ZippieDo Clint in the south of Newfoundland:  "Why is a flatpick flat?"  Well Zippie, the earth is flat too according to some, so we say why not?  Maybe a listen to Dan Crary, one of the founders of flatpicking, playing Huckleberry Hornpipe or Gold Rush will twist your ears, and as Chris says "a marble can't do what a flatpick can".   

     From Ferd, somewhere 'cross the county line:  "Who is this Nell character and what kind of mandolin does she play?  Good question Ferd.  Nell is the proprietor of Neuchatel Nell's Dinner Diner, also a peach of a person to know and she's learning to play the  mandolin.   She has a late 30's teardrop shaped Gibson A-50 mandolin.  Her's has a tobacco sunburst top, and walnut stained back of finely figured maple.  The top is probably spruce. She will be pleased you asked.  Nell's favorite tune is Daybreak In Dixie.  Give a listen to Adam Steffey and Sierra Hull play that tune.  Incredible musicians.   

     From Jan on the creek:  "When you guys gonna get out and share some tunes again?"  Well Jan, we hope to very soon.  Once it seems safe from this COVID thing for everyone, and us too, we'll put our good duds on and get back to performing.  Watch for this post every Tuesday eve where we'll post upcoming engagements again.  Better yet, subscribe to get the posts automatically sent to you via email Tuesday eves.  

7/27/21 -- Meanwhile, we're soon due for the 2nd installment of our biannual what's up, catchup, followup, and cleanup, so why not now?  It's a duty we take seriously.  It's a little like trying to move your herd down the road to a new pasture . . about the time you think you've got it done, there's always one calf that let's you know you're not.  We cover a lot of territory in these posts and we recognize we may have left something undone, or perhaps we touched something that peaked your interest, and now you crave more. Well, we do try to please.  So with no further foofaraw, let's get to it.       

     1)  Big Ricky from Mitchell Township asks "just who is it that enjoys the Whiskey Before Breakfast you guys talk about".  Good question Big Ricky, but we must respectfully decline to answer this one due to the inevitable guilt that would attach to the so named.  But we can share that we're pretty sure it was Hank Williams who had the tear in his beer.       

     2)  Char O. Lai  from the Cow Creek area near Capioma requested the lyrics for our original tune Chew, Chew, Chew That Cud Again.  Thanks for the request Char.  We're honored you like the tune, but due to questionable copyright potential it wouldn't be prudent to honor your request at this time.  Would you like the lyrics for The Cow Paddy Hornpipe?       

     3)  In our Go Ahead, I Dare You post on May 25, we kinda implied we'd talk about "lubing vocal chords with Karo 100% pure dark corn syrup", which we then promptly forgot about, frankly hoping you would too.  We didn't intend to promote it, but rather just to mention it as an option. Actually, you could use pure cane syrup like blackstrap molasses syrup, or even sorghum syrup, all to similar effect.  Hard to say how soon you'll be able to speak again, but a good thick coating of 90wt syrup on your vocal chords is often appreciated by friends.       

     4)  We've spoken of some few groups in these posts, and learned you may not be that familiar with some, like the Stiffle Brothers, Marie Clammerin and The Bluesbirds, and so on.  Seems like a one-stop listing might help, including any particulars we know of so you, and we, can keep them straight.  Of course we'll have to seek permission from each one first, or like some might do, act first, then plead ignorance and ask for forgiveness later. But the important point here is there are musicians out there working hard to entertain you, and your support is greatly appreciated.  As noted so elequently by Lilli Put, 1/2 of the duo of Lilly Put and Gulli Ver, winners of the Tie Down Award at the recent Swift Johnny festival - "thank you for your support."  We'll consider a dynamic artist/group listing.         

     5)  Seems everyone wants to know what's up with the event rumored to happen at Pout Whitfield's barn.  According to Kate Furlander, nosy neighbor to the barn, there's been a flurry of stuff happenin' around there, noise all hours of day and night, people in and out with big boxes goin' in and flat ones comin' out, and a rumor Flitz Pickleroy has been seen lately at breakfast up the street at Neuchatel Nell's Dinner Diner.   Stay tuned.  If Flitz is around, somethin's gonna go down.

9/14/21 -- Not long ago we fulfilled our bi-annual clean up of unfinished business, questions and such.  But each time we have to limit issues to the 4 or 5 most germaine of a much bigger bunch, and sadly some really juicy stuff gets left out.  It always generates more feedback which just sits in limbo, languishing like last week's goulash until we address that bunch too.  So, we figure you'd appreciate us dealing with a few now rather than wait.  Let's see what rises to the top, and we'll toss a little bait your way to keep you participating too! How would you like to win a top drawer one-of-a-kind special deal???!!!! Yes, you may find yourself made infamous in these posts AND perhaps win a really nice prize, a can of Hot N Spicy Jalapeno Spam from the 2014 cricket croaking contest at the Capioma Township Crappie Feed and Quilting Carnival!  Keep your feedback coming and we'll see what happens!        With no further ado here we go . . .

     5 COMMENTS AND STUFF WE'VE SELECTED FOR NO NOTEWORTHY REASON:  

     1)   From Peter up near Axel Sidin' just outside of Stockholm, "Did Grand Funk Railroad ever make it to their home?"   Gosh Pete, we don't really know for sure.   Last we heard they got tripped up along the way doing The Locomotion, thinking it was Some Kind of Wonderful.  Might be their Captain knows, so we'll reach out and see what we can find out.  

     2)   Devoid Boyd from Tight Gap Crossing asks "I use Fatworks Premium Pork Lard for finger grease to make my strings slick and limit squeaks. What do you guys use?"  Well Mr. Boyd we adhere to the grease free tenet, and therefore really can't answer based on personal experience.  BUT, if we were to try, we'd probably use Wonder Gro Bergamot With Shea Butter Hair Conditioner.  Good characteristics, smells good AND prevents breakage!  

     3)   Clarice and Clarence commented "Keep up the great work.  We really appreciate those weekly casserole recipes."  Ummm . . . okay.  

     4)   From an anonymous reader, "You guys talk a lot about guitars in your posts.  Why not give us Highland Bagpipers equal time, huh?"  While we're not sure if this is a request or a complaint, the response is the same. Truthfully, we don't know squat about pipes or pipers except it seems like there's a lot of blowing and arm flapping to generate wind and tone.  It's already too easy to get a little long winded in those posts, so we'll have to take your request under advisement at this time.    

     5)   Last, a request from Reuble, from Polecat Lodge in the Tupperware Valley area, "Please tell Newt hello (that'd be Newt Rattlebum, the banjo picker for the Possum Valley Ruffians, Flitz Pickleroy's band) if you see him at the shindig at Pout Whitfield's barn.  Sawyer and I enjoyed his banjo pickin' last fall when he got snowed in with us for a spell.  We apologize for not letting him know about our pet black snake Hiss.  It was a bad deal he got into Newt's banjo resonator, but we're awfully glad Newt survived the heart attack."  Will do Reuble.  

10/27/21 --  (This was the end of a discussion on picks, and it just seemed to fit here). 

     I leave you with these few things I've learned about picks and pick lore.  Good luck in your search for that special one:  

     1)  Picks are important to your playing, spend what you need to for them. Then plan on losing them immediately.  It's part of the process, and pick vendors need you to buy more so they can eat.  

     2)  Superglue will keep the pick from moving around in your fingers when you play.  And holding a fork later while you try to eat will be a challenge.   

     3)  Trombone players could care less what you use for a pick.  They need slide slicker . . oil that is, not picks.   

     4)  Don't leave picks in your pockets!  Your mate may find them when ironing and they will soon be in the trash.